New Beginnings??

Everyone has new beginnings. Everyone starts a new chapter. Whether we’re ready for new beginnings or not, we always have major turning points in our lives. Some chapters go by fast, some hurt more than`. It can be hard reminiscing about the friends you once had, the relatives you used to see. Memories that are forever, cherish them as such.

I can’t help but wonder what the next generation will be like. Growing up with grandma sometimes she would pull out old photos. I always thought it was so cool. One, that they even had cameras during that time. Two that she was able to show and share her childhood and beyond. I was always impressed she could usually remember when and where those photos were taken. So what will be like when I show my grandkids photos? Odd thought for the day but moving forward.

New beginnings mean new memories right? All in all, I’m a happy woman. I miss my grandma dearly but everything seemed right and just fell into place. 6 months ago I was spending nearly everyday with my grandmother. I’ve been blessed with different opportunities since I first started this blog. Moving forward I’m just not sure what to do with it now. I enjoy writing and mostly writing for myself. I know my writing will speak to the right people.

I’m not quite sure who all will still read my blog but here’s to closing this chapter. I plan on sharing my short stories, random poems paintings whatever! Haha. Who am I and what do I know? I’m just Jessica but if you know me, you know I always got a story for ya. If anything maybe a free space for other natives to write if there’s not a place for that already?

Well anyways MVTO for your time!

LyFe

11/22/19

As I said before this was blog was suppose to be about my adventures with grandma. It was to help those with the ups and downs as a care taker for family members with dementia……

I still read articles but considering I’m never home now its hard to know how grandma is… She knows I’m not home but she’s happy I’m out working. She’s probably happy I’m out of the house (lol). When I am home she’ll ask me everyday if I’m leaving… “ Not today grandma” then I usually tell her how many days we have left. I always tell her that I’ll miss her… She tells me she’ll miss me too. Last time she told me to get to bed soon and get some rest… I asked her, “You’re right, you wanna tuck me in bed?” BOY my momma cut me off so quit haha… No matter what age I’ll always be grandma’s baby. I promise you she would have tucked me in that night.

I remember the days I would come home from college…. She would come wake me up by rubbing my back. Breakfast was usually ready, laundry would be done. It is safe to say my grandma did everything she could for me. I appreciate everything she’s ever done. While I was away at school she would call me and surprise me “I put some money in your account to go get something to eat if you want.”

It’s harder these days… She no longer drives, nor has a house phone. She can’t call me anymore when she’s missing me. I can no longer reach her as quick as I once could… With that being said I’ve started to adjust to life outside of grandma… life outside of Oklahoma. I swore to myself I would stay close until she was gone. I will be leaving Oklahoma as of 2020 to start a new adventure. I look forward to it but have a heavy heart leaving her behind. I’ll miss many of things, but of course home will always be home.

I started to reflect that life does go on…. She did numerous things in her 88 years of life. Grandma and Grandpa raised a beautiful family. If it wasn’t for their love we wouldn’t be here. In previous postings I emphasized how she raised us to leave the nest. Out of the grandchildren many of them have successfully left “the nest”. I noticed while I was in Montana working… Every day life goes on. We adjust without that person there, we continue about our business with or without said individual. I would say its easy leaving home but its not. This thing we call life is literally a trip…

I thank Creator everyday my grandmother is here and always will. I was able to FaceTime her tonight. Thank goodness for technology! With all this being said, say a pray and give your close ones a hug. We never know when Creator will call us home so remember everyday is a blessing my friends….

MVTO – Jess

Best part about failing… Trying again…

11/18/19

I started this blog with the true intentions of writing everyday for 365 about my grandmother… I have obviously failed that… Life doesn’t always go to according to plan… I tried to update my blog back in September and whatever happened either way here I am again!

First thing first, grandma is fine. She’s back at home. She had her 88th birthday October 30th. I haven’t been home much since I left for Montana, back in August.. I spent about a month at home at most. Within that month I spend most of my time with grandma. It hasn’t been easy watching her age, watching her lose her memory, watching her struggle. BUT if you know me well enough I try to make the positives out of anything.

Yet these days its hard to positive…. I adore my grandmother it used to be easy when people asked me how is she doing? I would always tell them she’s good, just getting older. These days when my closest people ask… I just tell them that’s not my grandma anymore.

As hard as it is to say… She is my grandma and somedays are better than others. It’s very difficult to leave her at home. I do not mean this in any negative aspect but as said in my previous blogs… Her spirit is leaving her….

So with that being said, I thought about when I left for Montana… It was hard to leave because you have to make plans as a care taker, who is going to take care of grandma? I’m thankful for the family that helps us out during these times. Life has happened and we’re all just trying our best. I had many moments while I’ve been away… Mostly about this thing we call LIFE. Which I will write about in my next blog….

I’ve gone rogue

I recently had an opportunity I could not pass up. I’ll be out of the house for about 3 weeks. I tried to FaceTime with grandma earlier but she’s still a busy woman . I’ll try again tomorrow. Grandma always reassured me it was ok to leave home. In one of my previous blogs I talked about when I first left for Haskell. Home will always be there. I can’t wait to tell her about my road trip so far. I’m lonesome for her. This is the farthest I’ve ever been away from her. But on a positive note I’ll have some good stories for her when I get back.

I haven’t told her where I’m at yet. But I made sure to at least say good bye Friday before I left. She was the beauty shop getting her weekly perm. Lol she’s had that perm for as long as I can remember. It’s funny because when my cousin was little he remembered her as, “grandma with the curly hair”. She used to have this big ole hair dryer, like something from the 80s it seemed like. When she couldn’t make the beauty shop, she would curl her hair and sit under that dryer. It was a trip to wake up to sometimes haha. Another time I had my nephew with me. We went to pick grandma up from the beauty shop. We walked in and seen grandma sitting under the dryer. Boy his eyes got big! He said “auntie was are those?!”, talking about grandmas curlers. I couldn’t quit laughing. He didn’t know what to think of those, let alone her sitting under the dryer. He walked over to her just confused but curious. It made for a good laugh after that I treated them to their favorite spot lol Braum’s.

It’s crazy to see the generations. I look at my grandma and think about if it wasn’t for her, we wouldn’t be here. Grandmothers are beautiful for many reasons. Their prayers are the reason we’re still here. I’ve always heard grandmothers are angels without angels. I can’t wait to FaceTime her tomorrow. It’s been a journey and I apologize for going rogue. I won’t give up this blog but I have taken a slight detour.

I’m going for a walk….

8/7/19

I have recently signed a team up for The Walk To End Alzheimer’s. This is an open invite to my fellow followers and readers to come join me! I have set a team goal of $1,000. Any donation is appreciated but mostly I would love the company at this walk. I have attached the link but also on my menu page you can go straight to the site for Team Hokte!

https://act.alz.org/site/TR;jsessionid=00000000.app20117b?team_id=571484&fr_id=12478&pg=team&NONCE_TOKEN=AB5DC40DF7EFDCF5BE1AD05F88F1A435

Other than that we had a wonderful day. It’s always good to keep grandma company and keep her busy. Tomorrow she has her senior lunch at the center. She might not always remember everyone’s name but everyone knows her’s. She gets upset with herself when she can’t remember. I told her, “Grandma in your 87 years, you’ve met so many people I wouldn’t expect you to remember everyone.” She laughs and carries on. A habit she has these days is loosing her “ears” (lol) her hearing aids. So when I get to her house in the morning I have to go through my checklist.

Did you take your medicine?

Where are your ears?

Do you know where your teeth are?

It sometimes funny but seems like everyday she’ll forget one of those things It can get tiring trying to find these items. She doesn’t mean to lose them so I don’t get onto her. The hardest struggle she’s having right now, is that she still thinks she can cook. I usually leave the house when my mother gets home. Today I waited and watched what grandma was trying to cook. I keep telling her she’s going to get me in trouble. She’s not suppose to cook. So the final rules are, I’ll have to unplug everything. That’s a hard concept but it needs to be done. She use to love cooking. Shoot growing up I thought she was the best cook, (of course lol).

Another habit I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned, she always wants to go to Walmart. The bank and Walmart are the two places she’ll ask you everyday to go to. So today when she was asking to go to Walmart, I told her to make a list. So she said ok and continued about her day. About an hour later she asked me to go to Walmart, I said ok, make a list. This went on a few times today.

After starting this blog I have learned a lot about dementia and Alzheimer’s. My grandmother is my world so I’m happy I’m here, for better or for worse. I have attached another blog that I started following. This article has helped in a different way. It is worth the read if you have the time!

https://empatheticcaregiving.wordpress.com/2019/08/07/dementia-the-before-and-the-after/

It was a good day, and that’s all I have to say about that.